Pretending For The Crowd But Honest With You
by StakeTheHeart
Summary: Tori & Jade, two very different people who share a hidden lifestyle all to themselves that no one knows about. Only when things get tough do they seek each other out. However, they are finding that they don't mind spending some time together more often. It only takes one more day of high strung feelings for the two to finally understand. One Shot


**Yeah, yeah, say what you will but I had to at least get this idea out too before I could properly move on. I've always wanted to try my hand at a tougher Tori, angsty emotions, fights, and what not. I seem to have touched upon that before falling back into fluff towards the end. I guess I just can't create emotional conflict. Oh well, I tried though so here it is. The next time I update will be on OOAK. I know that's what you guys are really waiting for, not these random One Shots. Enjoy!**

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Today was turning out to be the shittiest one so far in a long line of shitty days this week. I was done. I was done taking people's crap and trying so hard to be that go-to person who is supposed to always be upbeat and helpful, taking people's crap when they didn't want it, but now **I** didn't want it. It isn't worth it anymore when the majority of people I assisted turned around to step all over me or take my help for granted. I'm just done. I shoved my way out into the hall as soon as the bell rang and strode to my locker. A violent but quick exchange of books occurred before I was slamming it shut and making my way to the nearest bathroom. Thank God it's Friday. I may have been angry enough to strike someone but I knew I would never have the guts to do so. I had tried to take a stab at Jade's way of handling such situations, storming through the matter with head held high and a sharp gaze impaling anyone who bothers me further. Fuck, Jade West really knew how to get people to do what she wanted. It was the reason I slowly found myself admiring her, silently looking up to her strong and independent personality as something I should try for myself.

She often commented, negatively of course, on how I strove to make people happy, her included, when I should really do things for myself more often. I claimed to like helping people but it wasn't what it used to be when said people realized they could take without so much as a 'thank you' in return. No gratitude at all. It pissed me off beyond belief, and while I was trying to exude an angry storm of fury, I was breaking inside. I just couldn't pull off total hatred like Jade. I had heard somewhere that those who spent their time trying to make others happy often ended up more depressed than the ones who didn't try so hard. Was that it? Was I trying too hard? I was no longer happy helping others but I couldn't just stop. It was pathetic. I held back a choked sob and wiped at my eyes as I threw open the bathroom door. I took a few steps in only to stop in my tracks. Jade was calmly perched on the black countertop, sipping from a water bottle. Her eyes flicked to me, ever scrutinizing, yet there was something about the look that was different. An amused smirk curved her lips and it was then I pinpointed the reason for her laid back attitude.

She was drunk. Leave it to Jade to be drunk at school, but I knew it was because she didn't give a shit about authority. She never did, she just always did what she wanted. I had seen Jade on her good days, bad days, very bad days, and others where some would call really eerily quiet. Those were the days she schemed or brooded and no one wanted to mess with her on those days. Going back to the good days though, they never really became truly good days until Jade was drunk. I had seen her this way multiple times and they all happened during some party we were invited to or on a day like today. Jade was a very lenient person when she was drunk and I quickly learned to stick with her during those times. Some could argue those where the times we had our little bonding moments away from our friends and definitely away from Beck who seemed to do nothing but piss Jade off recently now that they broke up. Our bonding moments also consisted of long hours talking followed by a heated make out session that never got any farther then lost shirts and exploring hands. I was always hopeful that would change.

We didn't talk about our times together once we were sober and back in our element but it was ok because those times were forever ingrained in my memory as proof Jade didn't completely hate me. If she did, I had no doubt in my mind she wouldn't have done anything with me. It was our time away from our family, peers, drama, and problems. A time I kept well away and separate from my normal lifestyle. My parents would have a heart attack if they found out. My thoughts were busy replaying fuzzy memories while I shielded my face from Jade to get to a stall. She slid off the counter to block my path, silently holding out the mostly full bottle to me. Jade was known to bring booze to school but she never drank too much to be noticeable and she never shared. Both of those lines where now crossed and I wondered just what the fuck she was up to despite reaching out and wasting no time chugging what I knew was vodka. I let out a sigh before handing it back to her and dropping my bag by the sinks. Jade took another sip before hesitantly lifting a hand to pat my shoulder.

"I heard you and Sydney had quite the bitch fight today. Don't tell me she won," she mumbled reservedly, jaw set. That was another thing about drunk Jade. She was still incredibly coherent in speech, only some actions indicating she was even intoxicated.

"No, or, I don't think so," I answered, digging in my tight jean pocket to fish out my hair tie so I could pull back my hair.

"Did you get a hit in? Come on Vega amuse me," she teased, leaning on the counter before nudging my arm with the bottle. I allowed a smile, loving the way Jade dropped all intense hatred during moments like this between just us.

"I politely agreed to help her nail the part in that one play that's going to be next weekend and then she turned around to gossip and giggle with her sheep about what a stupid doormat I was. I mean, yeah I helped her out multiple times because I thought she needed it and I was trying to be nice but apparently she had been using and abusing my kindness all year so I called her out on it and we ended up fighting. Verbally I might add," I shared, making sure she understood no violence had been used. I took the bottle from her and downed the rest. Who knew how many others were doing the same thing to me and I haven't noticed yet?

"What a bitch," Jade commented with a shake of her head, moving to dig in her bag. My eyes flitted over to her, trailing over her bent posture. She stood with a half full bottle of vodka and then returned to my side.

"I've been drinking all day if you hadn't noticed. I started off slow but I just spiraled during lunch," she told me, seemingly redundant and random information had I been anyone else, but I was me and she was Jade and we had a connection going since the first party we attended together. She filled up the water bottle again and stashed the glass one. I really hoped I could act sober as well as she could should someone walk in. Jade seemed to read my mind because she held up a finger before walking over, slightly wobbly, to the door where she flipped the lock.

"So, what's got you ready to murder?" I inquired, taking another swig. My head was starting to get hazy and my body was warm. I hadn't even properly gotten a drink before Jade scoffed, pulled the bottle away from my lips, and took a drink, all without me even having to release it.

"I slept with Beck again two nights ago and it's driving me crazy that I did. He just pissed me off so bad and I was seconds away from just stabbing him with my scissors but he managed to get me into bed; again! I wasn't thinking and I was regrettably in a good mood 'cause I was as drunk as I am now. Fuck, why does this always happen? I'm over him for fuck's sake!" she snarled, beginning to pace. So it was the age old problem between them. Jade wanted to move on but Beck wanted to get back together. Successfully getting her to sleep with him every once in a while only made him all the more determined to get her back. He claimed that she must still care for him if this kept happening but Jade begged to differ.

"He's just a good fuck. Like you always say, he's only good to mess around with now that you don't really have anyone else," I pointed out, the same old reminder I had ready for her since she had told me the same thing. She glanced at me with stormy eyes, making me fidget, before she waved a hand dismissively, walking over to take the bottle out of my hands before I could get another drink.

"This time I couldn't even look at him that's why I ditched lunch with you guys and began this happy time by myself. You should have seen the freshman who walked in here. She looked like she was going to piss herself when I scared her back out," Jade said with a chuckle.

"You're such a gank Jade," I told her, a smile curling my lips as I rode the risk taking confidence the vodka bestowed on me. Miraculously it made Jade less violent, luckily saving me the trouble of worrying for my life.

"Tough shit," she responded, taking a drink before motioning me closer. I smiled when I realized her eyes had turned mischievous and playful. Looks like she was ready for the games. She gripped my forearm with her left hand and brought up her right to grasp behind my neck. A slight tug and I was leaning in to press my lips against hers, the booze passing between us back and forth, a test to see how long we could keep it up. Her wandering left hand brushed my stomach on the way to resting on my hip, the contact making me falter and almost choke. I was forced to swallow and end the game, pulling away from Jade to cough and splutter. She laughed outright, slamming a hand on my back. I was bent over to relieve the hacking coughs before straightening out.

"Sorry Vega," she gasped out. I glowered at her before snatching the bottle and taking a drink. When she just began laughing again I joined her, the vodka doing nothing but lightening the mood. I took a stumbling step toward her and shoved her playfully. She teetered but remained on her feet.

"Fuck off," I mumbled half-heartedly, a smirk in place.

"Ooh, Tori Vega cursing. You're tough kid," she teased me, tapping a fist against my chin. I smacked her hand away with a chuckle.

"I think you need to give people shit more often like they do to you all the time," she advised, suddenly serious. My brows creased at the whiplash in topics before I looked at the dingy tiles underfoot, refusing to look her in the eyes.

"What makes you think I won't?" I questioned her, trying to put up a front I knew she saw through. If I knew her she knew me just as well.

"Don't give me that bull shit. I'm not buying that pretty face you put on. I know you wish you could just tell them to go fuck themselves. You wish you could just say fuck this shit and tell people how you really feel but you still can't. Why do you feel like you owe them anything?" Jade demanded, her tone slipping into strained understanding. My way of handling people never made sense to her and often times when it was just us she would grill me about why I even cared.

"I'm trying to be a better person than they are Jade. I can't just tell them to fuck off like you can. I wasn't raised like that. I'm not-" I tried to reply but she just laughed, halting and derisive.

"You can't just go on your merry way helping people Vega. They won't do you any favors in return. It's only wearing you down trying to fix this never ending mess you put yourself into. It won't fix itself unless you do something about it," she stated, her intonation strong but cutting. She looked at me with a strangely unhindered gaze that was borderline caring. She actually sounded like she meant what she was telling me, that she cared whether or not I stood up for myself. I wanted to be touched by her righteous speech but her words struck something in me that made me lash out instead; the criticism. She never liked the way I did things since day one. I hated when she was included among the people I tried to befriend only for them to talk shit about how proper and goody goody I was. All I wanted was for her to like me, and if she was the only one who did, I would be happy without the rest. I looked up to her but she hated me. Now that we shared these moments I wasn't too sure what she thought of me but her words just pissed me off regardless.

"What about you!" I demanded, slamming the water bottle on the counter forcefully to point an accusing finger at her. Her eyes hardened and she crossed her arms.

"What about me?" she challenged haughtily.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. You act like you do whatever the fuck you want but really I know, deep down in that twisted dark place you call a heart you care very much what people think. You like to pretend you can overlook the world but really you're just putting on a show. You're just as scared of being picked apart as the rest of us, the only difference being you handle it by having people fear you in order to keep them from saying anything, so just drop the act and face the crowd!" I shouted at her. She made a sound that resembled a fury induced snarl before her hands dug into the front of my shirt, grabbing a handful of the material to slam me back into the hard wall.

"No one talks to me like that, especially you Vega. We may get along once in a while but don't confuse that with friendship you understand me? I, **hate**, you," she growled, her hands tightening and her body pressed to mine. We stared each other down, tension thick, before I tore her hands off me and flung them away.

"Don't touch me," I spat, moving to push past her. She grabbed my shoulders and slammed me back against the wall before I could get away.

"You sure about that? You never seemed to complain before," she muttered, her head bowed, her gaze on the floor. Her raven locks covered her face from my suddenly hungry eyes. She sounded quiet, defeated, her posture bent. Was she apologizing in her own way, asking me to forgive her? Was that it? Just like that, she had me concerned for her again, my anger spent. I reached out to cup her face in my hands and made her look at me. It surprised me to see her beautiful blue-green eyes glassy like she was going to cry. Without a second thought I molded my lips with hers. A whimper left her before her hands pulled me close, the kiss deepening with a swipe of her tongue on my bottom lip. I nipped at her lip when she finally pulled away, my sloppy, open mouthed kisses traveling down her neck where I sucked on the sensitive skin. I knew it was her personal weak spot. Her breathing grew labored as her body arched into mine. A groan was my reward, making me moan in return.

"I'm sorry," I breathed against her skin, my eyes squeezing shut against the sudden tears I wanted to shed.

"What for? You're sticking up for yourself just like I wanted you to. Don't fight it, embrace it. Doesn't it feel good to let out your frustration once in a while?" she replied, gently pushing me back so that she could pin me with those piercing eyes of hers.

"Yeah," I admitted, my voice going hoarse from the knot in my throat, holding in my tears.

"You have a lot of work ahead of you Vega. Just promise me you'll give those asses a taste of their own medicine once in a while ok? If only to keep yourself from breaking down," she muttered, her hands finding mine to squeeze them gently between hers. I nodded but she just shook her head.

"Say it," she ordered.

"I promise," I voiced aloud. She had me pressed against the wall in the next second, her hands disappearing under my shirt as her teeth nipped at my neck. I moaned at the attention she showered on me, having trouble breathing when she went to work returning the hickey I had given her.

"Let's take this to my place," she panted against my skin, making my body tremble. I pulled her into another rough kiss before nodding. We parted to gather our bags, only stopping to take turns emptying the bottle once more in a hasty manner. Jade shoved it in her bag, bottle crackling from the force she exerted on it. I followed her out of school, across the parking, and down the street. Jade lived relatively close to school, granting her the ability to walk home should it become necessary, which it did when days like this happened. For being more than tipsy, Jade managed to unlock her door in record time. We entered almost together when she dragged me in, slammed the door, threw aside her bag, and then proceeded to trap me against the door. Her hot breath was on my neck again before her teeth dug into my skin. Her hands took my bag to toss it to the side and then they were burning trails down my thighs. I pulled her against me by her belt loops so that our hips could make contact. She pressed into me, dragging out a groan from my panting mouth.

"Promise me something," I breathed in her ear. I shuddered as her tongue ran over my neck, ending at my jaw, but I fought to stay focused.

"What?" she questioned, stopping to lock eyes with me.

"Show someone you really do give a shit," I told her simply. I didn't care who she deemed worthy of that but I sure as hell wanted her to reach out to someone; trust someone to allow them in. The mask she displayed to the world wasn't doing her any favors besides carving her into unfeeling stone that would shatter like glass the moment it became too much. She remained still for a few seconds before she turned away, a hand running through her hair. I stayed leaning against the door, allowing her space to think.

"Dammit Vega, I-I can't-" she ground out, her lips lifting in a feral way, showing pearly white teeth grinding against each other. Her hands clenched into fists at her side, knuckles further whitening with the tension.

"Jade," I pleaded with her, knowing she was shutting herself off. Her mood was visibly darkening. Without a word she marched away up stairs where I knew she would be heading right for her room. It was the only place she sought out for safety. I followed her, taking the stairs two at a time in an effort to make it in the room before she could shut me out literally and figuratively. It was a surprise when she left the door wide open. I shut it behind me as I entered, awkwardly keeping my distance until I couldn't anymore. Normally I would stay away for fear I would be stabbed but alcohol pretty much made me stupid when it came to Jade so I walked over and carefully placed my hand on her shoulder. I could feel her tense under my palm but she still allowed me to turn her around. She inhaled sharply as a silent sob shook her, a lone tear tracking down her pale cheek.

"I would tell you to get the hell out of here by now but for once I'll listen to you," she croaked out, wiping quickly at the tear that escaped. Her hand returned to a fist at her side as soon as she did so, like she could crush the traitor tear in her hand. I waited patiently for her to do or say something but she stayed where she was, head slightly bowed, eyes downcast. Slowly, she finally stepped forward until we were toe to toe.

"Tori…I know I've treated you like shit the moment you showed up but the truth is I admired everything about you. You're right, I was hiding behind a mask that did more than leave me vulnerable when someone who knew how to remove it took the opportunity; meaning you and Beck. I regret showing him that side of me though because he clearly knows how to use it against me. That's the thing, once I opened my mind to considering moving on without it I ended up hiding even more because, yes, I was scared; scared of what people would say or do the moment I relaxed my defenses. I remember asking myself each night, 'what happened to me to make me question the way I did things for so long?' The answer was you, you tore down that mask and showed me something I hate to admit to. I do care what people think because if I didn't I wouldn't have needed that mask of indifference. It took me round about fights with Beck and several hours of intoxication to finally realize the one who could help me was **never** Beck. I broke up with him for a reason, I was no longer happy with him because I had found someone who **could** help me," she stated certainly, her words strong despite still being under the influence. She was speaking from the heart in a way that made my eyes water again and my heart beat erratically. She held my face in her hands, determined gaze on me.

"I care about you Tori. I have for some time I just wasn't seeing it. It's the reason we get along so well when we're hammered because it's the only time we can be honest with ourselves and then turn around and blame the booze should we have second thoughts, but I know now, without a doubt that I care for you and everything you have ever said to me I've taken for granted. I'm sorry, I should have listened," she spoke sincerely, her eyes tearing up again.

"You have nothing to apologize for Jade, we're both pretty fucked up don't you think?" I remarked, getting a stifled chuckle from her.

"You suck, I'm all emotional because of you," she spat out, moving to viciously wipe away the tears that finally fell. I laughed and stopped her by grabbing her hands, catching her attention. I let my own tears run free, comfortable with them present from the long nights I spent curled up at night in pain from the hurtful comments I endured with a smile during the day.

"I care about you too. If I didn't, I wouldn't have tried so hard to befriend you and I certainly wouldn't have accepted that first drink. I really hope I don't become an alcoholic because of you or I swear I'll stab you with your own scissors," I playfully teased, a note in my voice revealing just how much I cared for the battered girl in front of me. We had learned many things from each other and I had no problem accepting the fact that I would happily spend the rest of my days with her.

"It's ok, I would deserve it I guess," she muttered, pulling away to tiredly sit on her bed. I watched her with a tilt of my head as she dropped her head in her hands.

"As much as I like that we're being open and honest and fluffy with each other, the buzz is taking a beating because of it," I stated plainly. She laughed and looked up with an amused smirk. I was actually happy to see it back where it belonged. The conflicted and depression frown turning down her delicate lips was starting to worry me.

"Go get the bottle then you lush," she accused playfully, gesturing at the door. I laughed boisterously and did as I was told. When I came back, Jade greeted me with a firm kiss that had my legs threatening to collapse under me. She pulled away with that confident smirk of hers before plucking the bottle from my slack grip and returning to her bed. She sat down heavily, reached over to the dock holding her pear pod on her nightstand, and put on some band that had free flowing words that spoke of hardship, a grating guitar, and slamming drums. Jade took a big gulp before waving me over.

"Come recharge your buzz kid," she stated with a lazy grin. She knew I liked it when she used words of endearment on me since I told her so the last time we got wasted together. Surprisingly, that was a long time ago, the longest we had gone without seeing each other in this state. I plopped down next to her and took the proffered drink.

"When's your mom coming home?" I asked, just now remembering another person shared the household.

"Um…not until tomorrow morning I think. She's out on an important business run," she answered after a short pause to think. I nodded and took another swig before handing it off to her and falling back on the bed.

"Hey Jade?" I began thoughtfully.

"Yeah?" she replied as soon as she swallowed.

"Do you think we could ever be like this when we aren't like this?" I asked her, belatedly realizing I didn't make much sense. Jade laughed and shook her head.

"You're so funny when you get like this. I swear it's the only time I think you're ridiculously hilarious but I think it could just be because I'm in a good mood 'cause when are you ever this funny without the booze?" she commented. Leave it to Jade to tease and degrade even when she was drunk. It didn't hold an ounce of animosity though so I took no offense. I slapped her leg before continuing.

"No, I-I'm being serious. Listen ok? Do you think we could ever be so, I don't know the word, oh yeah, open, with each other when we aren't drunk?" I inquired the best I could. My speech was taking a downturn now that I was feeling numb and lethargic. She hummed in thought, her black nails tapping against the glass, before she reached out to pull me back into a sitting position. The room spun around me, making me sway, but Jade steadied me.

"Yeah, I think we could. We'll never know unless we try though right?" she replied, her voice slightly even and remarkably serious. I nodded in agreement before taking the bottle in hand. I peeled off her own hand when she didn't let it go.

"I want some," I told her, tugging it toward me. She grabbed it, grip tight.

"There's only like, a mouthful left," she protested, pulling it back towards her.

"Well we can share it," I responded, yanking it back in my direction.

"Don't be such a child Vega," she retorted, flicking my nose and making me subconsciously use my dominant hand to rub at it, which happened to be the one playing tug of war with the bottle. Jade quickly jerked it away and replaced the cap with some effort. She set it aside on her night stand.

"Contest for it ok?" she proposed. Another game, I could do this.

"Sure," I agreed without hesitation.

"Ok, let's see, you know this band right?" she asked, pointing at the dock. I listened to the music clash against my eardrums before nodding an affirmative.

"You listen to them enough for me to know a few lines," I said with a shrug.

"Good, because the game is, whoever can remember the most lines from a song gets the rest of the vodka," she challenged. I groaned and fell back on the bed.

"No, you're obviously going to win," I complained.

"No whining Vega you already agreed," she snapped, a glimpse of the Jade I knew returning. She didn't like it when I backed out **or** whined.

"Fine, but start on the next song," I bargained. She complied, reaching over to skip to the next song. It started right off the bat but I was ready. I had heard this song many times before. I might actually have a chance at beating Jade this time around. She won almost every game we came up with but I didn't really mind. Just seeing Jade play mindless games was fun enough. I closed my eyes and focused on the fast paced song, forcing my brain to find the words in my clouded state.

_Somebody make a move  
Somebody make a move  
Please Somebody  
Test my reality  
Check if there's a weak spot  
Clingin' to insanity  
In hopes the world will ease up  
Try to make it look like it's all somehow getting better  
'Cause I know how to play it pretty good against the measure  
Everyone started out a little insane  
But we learn pretty quick how to fake it for the game  
But some of you never learned to drop the act  
So under that skin of yours: a heart attack_

The song paused for a second and I took a breath, ready to belt the chorus as I sat up. Jade sat leaning back against the headboard with a broad smile of amusement. She had told me before she liked my voice and enjoyed my singing, more complements only given when we were spending time like this. I soaked them up when I could get them with a happy grin.

_'Cause everybody's so scared  
We don't wanna go there  
We don't wanna make a move  
We got all our lives to lose  
Screaming in the dark while we just play our part out  
I play along  
Like I don't know what's going on  
Somebody make a move  
Somebody make a move  
Please somebody make a move  
We all know  
We all know what's going on_

The last words tumbled from my lips, and then I was off the bed and scooping up the bat Jade kept leaning on the wall between her bed and nightstand. She claimed it was more merciful to beat a robber's brains in with the bat instead of taking the blade of her scissors to his neck. I remember shuddering at that comment but right now I was into the song. I held the optional weapon like a mike while I continued.

_And if I had the answers I'd have written them out  
So I can tell you what to do and what this thing is about  
But all I've ever learned comes second-hand  
And I dare not preach what I don't understand  
You and I; we share the same disease  
Cover up; compromise what we grieve  
I've let more than my share of revivals die  
This isn't pretty but it's what I am tonight_

I set my eyes on Jade who looked back at me curiously. I wondered if she was thinking the same thing, how the song meant so much more than we initially thought. The chorus came around again, making me grip the bat in my hands to shout the words.

_'Cause everybody's so scared  
We don't wanna go there  
We don't wanna make a move  
We got all our lives to lose  
Screaming in the dark while we just play our part out  
I play along  
Like I don't know what's going on  
Somebody make a move  
Somebody make a move  
Please somebody make a move  
We all know  
We all know what's going on_

Jade sat up and moved to sit cross legged in the middle on the bed, her eyes on me; her head bobbing slightly to the song which picked up. I growled out the words, confident I would finish the song with flying colors.

_Pointing my fingers the problems still linger  
They keep getting bigger and I hold the trigger  
Running with fire, I live like a liar  
Please somebody make a move_

Jade stood to join me, a hand on the bat, leaning in to cover the second set of background vocals while I sang the main part. We were both smirking, enjoying the electric energy the song provided.

_Somebody make a move (I'm pointing my fingers)  
Somebody make a move (The problems still linger)  
Somebody make a move (I'm pointing my fingers)  
Somebody  
Somebody make a move_

Jade released the bat while the pause in music hit, sitting on the edge of her bed to watch the end of the song play out. I looked into her eyes, clutching the bat in both my hands, milking the performance just to entertain her.

_'Cause everybody's so scared  
We don't wanna go there  
We don't wanna make a move  
Screaming in the dark while we just play our part out  
I play along  
'Cause everybody's so scared  
We don't wanna go there  
We don't wanna make a move  
We got all our lives to lose  
Screaming in the dark while we just play our part out  
I'll play along  
Like I don't know what's going on  
Somebody make a move  
Somebody make a move  
Please somebody make a move  
We all know  
We all know what's going on  
Somebody make a move  
Somebody make a move  
Please somebody make a move  
We all know  
We all know what's going on_

The song faded in an echo, leaving me breathing a little heavily. Jade clapped slowly, her smirk directed at me. She stood and took the bat from me, using it to lean on as she pressed a kiss to my lips.

"My turn," she stated, watching me take my seat on the bed. She threw the bat up enough that the tip of the handle was eye level with her and then she caught it before it could hit the floor. As soon as she did the next song played. A guitar introducing it, alternating in its tune. I was eager to hear Jade sing again. Her voice was to die for and drop dead sexy like the rest of her. I grinned, my attention on her. She returned my gaze with a somewhat downturned quirk of her lips. I was halfway through wondering why when she began to sing.

_My life is a musical  
I know how to put on a pretty pathetic show  
I hide backstage  
Keep the curtains closed  
'Cause I'm scared, I'm scared  
I'm getting pretty good at feeding them the lines they like  
But I don't recognize the girl that I face each night  
I can compromise till I'm convinced  
It's right_

I took in a deep breath, the lyrics practically writing out exactly what Jade was going through. It made me wonder, vaguely, in my alcohol addled brain, if this was the reason she took such an interest in this band. She broke into the chorus, strong but genuinely questioning as if the song were her thoughts laid out.

_What happened to the girl who could overlook the world?  
She never gave a second thought to what the other people thought  
What happened to the dream of rejecting the routine?  
'Cause they never worked for me_

The brief moment of reflection ended with the next part that was bold and empowering, a complete opposite to what she sung before. It was like the part of Jade that fought against that uncertainty within her.

_I'm gonna burn this theater down and pray to God for the strength to help me face the crowd  
I wanna live like I lost the script and scream every line  
Like "this is it!"  
They say all the world's a stage  
Rewriting your identity is all the rage,  
Well next act please, I'd like a change  
I don't really like pretending  
This way  
What happened to the girl who could overlook the world?  
She never gave a second thought to what the other people thought  
What happened to the dream of rejecting the routine?  
'Cause they never worked for me_

She held the long note, dragging it out perfectly, and I started thinking even intoxication couldn't hold back the way Jade skillfully commanded music.

_I'm gonna burn this theater down and pray to God for the strength to help me face the crowd  
I wanna live like I lost the script and scream every line  
Like "this is it!"  
I'm gonna burn this theater down and pray to God for the strength to help me face the crowd  
I wanna live like I lost the script and scream every line  
Like "this is it!"_

She belted the lyrics in a way that made me feel she was trying to follow the words like guidelines, dropping her mask in favor of embracing what was around her. I watched in awe as she finished off the song perfectly.

_And the sad thing is we're all in on the action  
We're all holding our breath, waiting for a reaction  
You play your part  
I'll be playing with matches  
And if you'd like a show, you can follow the ashes  
I'm gonna burn this theater down and pray to God for the strength to help me  
Face the crowd, I wanna live like I lost the script and scream every line  
Like "this is it!"  
I'm gonna burn this theater down and pray to God for the strength to help me  
Face the crowd, I wanna live like I lost the script and scream every line  
Like...  
"This is it!"_

This time she hit the last note with strength and conviction, holding it all the way until the music cut out. She grinned at me like she couldn't believe she meant what she sung about. I really hoped she took my words to heart because seeing Jade so unrestricted always gave me the feeling of doing anything as long as Jade was there with me.

"That was hot," I commented with a teasing smile. She laughed and pushed me over on the bed to take my spot. She let the bat roll out of her fingers so that it dropped to the floor, making no sound against the soft carpet.

"Shut up Vega," she responded good-naturedly. She reached over me to skip ahead to another song.

"Hey, what about our contest. Did I win?" I questioned her. She only silenced me with a kiss before pulling away, hands on my wrist to drag me with her. We sat facing each other while the song began.

"Just listen ok?" she whispered, looking at me seriously. I pressed my lips into a fine line and nodded, falling silent just as the song picked up and she sung the words.

_You're not running just enough of a wreck  
To hold the hurt heart everybody expects  
And I know you wrote a history of making a mess  
Misunderstood's an understatement at best  
How long, how long will you demand my sympathy?  
We all know hurt so why do you feel the need to?  
Put on a pretty face, give them a pretty taste  
No one's buying it anyway_

She paused with the song to shoot me a hard look, one that wasn't angry as much as it was, protective? It was the same expression she got when she caught me getting too cozy with a guy the first time we partied together. I had teased her that she was just jealous to which she agreed before dragging me off to eventually engage in our first kiss followed by our first heavy make out session. Had I really thought about it at the time or ever, I should have seen that as a clear sign that Jade liked me. I shook my head and closed my eyes before opening them at the touch of Jade's hand on my cheek.

_You're so tired trying to rewind the mess you've made of your own mind  
But the pieces won't pick up themselves, you know  
You can fight just like you've been taught  
It won't undo the life you've got  
'Cause the pieces won't pick up themselves, you know_

She sang the words and just like before with the other song, they rang true. Jade's fierce voice echoing at me back in the school bathroom returned to me. She always cared but she didn't know how to get it across without the anger she knew so well; and I hadn't listened, just like she failed to see when I wanted her to listen.

_You're not running just enough of a wreck  
To hold the hurt heart everybody expects  
And I know you wrote a history of making a mess  
Misunderstood's an understatement at best  
You say you try, you're after something better  
It doesn't show, you're still not put together  
Put on a pretty face, give them a pretty taste  
No one's buying it anyway  
You're so tired trying to rewind the mess you've made of your own mind  
But the pieces won't pick up themselves, you know  
You can fight just like you've been taught  
It won't undo the life you've got  
'Cause the pieces won't pick up themselves, you know_

Jade's hands squeezed mine, her eyes softening a little. She offered me a hesitant smile before falling back into the song with ease.

_Everybody knows liars never make it for long  
I am getting close, I can see just what's going on  
Everybody knows, everybody knows  
I remember what you were before you gave it away  
You've never been the type to watch the pieces fall where they may  
And now you've let it go  
But I know you know_

I pulled my hands out from under hers to place them on top, deliberately and sure of myself. For this moment the buzz from the vodka cleared away so that it was just Jade, me, and the understanding that was steadily blooming between us. She sung that remaining part of the song like a reminder to keep in my head. I nodding to show I got it.

_But the pieces won't pick up themselves, you know  
You're so tired trying to rewind the mess you've made of your own mind  
But the pieces won't pick up themselves, you know  
You can fight just like you've been taught  
It won't undo the life you've got  
'Cause the pieces won't pick up themselves, you know  
You're so tired trying to rewind the mess you've made of your own mind  
But the pieces won't pick up themselves, you know  
You can fight just like you've been taught  
It won't undo the life you've got  
'Cause the pieces won't pick up themselves, you know_

The song ended with a guitar and drums beating out the last of the tune before it faded. Jade reached over my shoulder to turn it off. Her arms wrapped around my neck while she stared into my eyes.

"Remember Vega, if I have to drop my act every so often, you need to stick up for yourself. You got that?" she told me sternly.

"Yeah, I do," I replied truthfully. She smiled before bringing me into a kiss I melted against quickly, however, I flipped her on her back before her sneaking hand could get to the bottle behind me.

"Clever, but not clever enough," I told her with a smug smirk. She rolled her eyes and I leaned down to kiss her cheek before getting the bottle. She pouted, something she rarely did. It was adorable and made me want to take her pursed bottom lip between my teeth to nibble at it in that way she likes. I dipped from my perch straddling her waist to kiss her and then do just that. I worked at removing the cap on the bottle while her hands rubbed up and down along my thighs. I pulled away once I had the cap off, flicked it over my shoulder, knocked back the last mouthful, and then connected our lips again.

I swallowed half the mouthful and passed on the rest to Jade effortlessly this time. She surprised me by wasting no time swallowing it and pulling me deeper into the kiss. Usually she would keep the game going but not this time. Her hands ran up my body, pushing up my shirt, before she switched our positions. She pinned me to the bed, her lips traveling lower over my now exposed torso. She got down to my navel, the sensitive expanse of skin making me wiggle under her. She suddenly stopped and sat back up, her hand slapping over my mouth before I could complain.

"I'm going to take you up on that offer kid. Let's continue this some other time, sober and fully aware. I want to do this right, to take that step while we're both clearheaded so that I can remember the moment I got to have all of you completely," she whispered softly to me. It was the first time I heard so much emotion in her tone. She sounded so sure of herself I couldn't do anything more than to agree. I laid a passionate but thorough kiss on her lips, my tongue brushing her bottom lip before I pulled away. She followed my lips to start up another kiss that was rough and demanding, her tongue battling mine. I groaned, missing our old routine I had gotten used to. Soft and gentle was nice but Jade's penchant for rough handling was something I liked about her. I could feel her smile curl her lips before she sucked on my tongue, bringing it into her mouth. She held it hostage for a few strokes from her tongue before she released it. She pulled away and I licked my lips, I could still taste her.

"Jade, if I don't just take a long sleep now I might end up just having my way with you," I told her truthfully. She smiled at my admission like she planned on teasing me further, but instead she removed herself and curled up on her side next to me.

"Sorry I had to stop everything the moment it gets good," I spoke up jokingly. She just shrugged and propped her head on her hand.

"No worries, as soon as I'm sober, and whether or not I have a hangover later, I'm going to jump you. Just a fair warning," she cautioned with a purr. Her hand turned my head in her direction before applying a slow but mind blowing caress of her lips on mine.

"Sure, no worries you say as you seduce me," I accused. She rolled her eyes and proceeded to tuck me in her arms.

"Sleep first, sex later. If I get enough maybe we can have time for more fun," she suggested, a smile in her tone.

"Ok," I agreed, snuggling down in the bed to get comfortable. I held her close, enjoying the feel of her in my arms. I hadn't gotten to just plain hold her before and it felt great, comforting even. I liked that I could be this close to her. I let out a yawn which got her yawning as well. I giggled and she shushed me before closing her eyes. I closed mine too, the alcohol easing me into sleep quickly after. With the last remnants of consciousness fading I turned my thoughts to the one person I had brooded over for so long, the same girl I was holding in my arms at this very moment. She turned my whole life around, something I was grateful for as well as wishing it could all go back to the way it was before I met her. No, that wouldn't change anything. Jade gave me the strength I needed and I hoped I returned that by being her rock when things got hectic. I wanted to dwell more on these thoughts but it wasn't meant to be.

I fell into unconsciousness, all I could remember of my dreams were rushed and thrown together, leaving me wondering what they were about when I woke up a couple hours later. It was dark in the room, and a quick look at the digital clock nearby told me it was one in the morning. We slept the rest of the day away, but I was feeling better for it. I turned my attention to the body I was currently clinging to. Jade was on her back while I was half on top of her. My head was tucked in the crook of her neck, my arms wrapped around her. I had my right leg hooked around her left, her arms around my middle with her hands resting at the small of my back. I looked up at her face which was so calm and serene it made me smile. She was so beautiful. I wiggled loose a hand to brush away the black strands that fell in her face so I could see her better. I had liked Jade for who knows how long before I finally acknowledged it. I wish I realized it sooner.

"Stop staring you creep," she mumbled suddenly, her eyes still closed.

"I-I wasn't s-staring!" I shot back, my voice faltering, and indication I was indeed staring and embarrassed to be caught doing it. So what, I shouldn't care right? She was the best thing to stare at anyway.

"No, no, you say, 'what if I was?' and then keep staring. Don't fall into submissive Tori Vega again. I liked the other one," she responded, a smile pulling at the corner of her lips as her brilliant eyes opened. I chuckled but nodded.

"Ok, well, I like staring at you so get over it West," I told her firmly.

"Good job," she mumbled, pulling into a stretch under me. I rolled off her so that she had more room while I stretched too.

"Ugh, I feel like shit. Want something to eat? It'll help," she suggested.

"Sure," I replied, happy she still wanted me around. In the past she was quick to get me out of the house. She had to remember the promises we made to each other, and drunken or not, they still needed to be upheld.

"Ok then, you know what to do. Make yourself at home, I need a shower first," she replied. She got out of bed and stopped by her dresser to pull out a comfortable tank top and sweats before disappearing into the bathroom. A moment later the water turned on. I climbed out of the bed and made my way downstairs, picking at my memories of earlier to try and see if Jade had mentioned the time her mom would be back. Eventually I just shrugged and began making an egg and ham sandwich with a small glass of milk. Hell, I felt like I could eat way more but I didn't want to push myself just yet. When I finished I washed my dishes and returned to Jade's room. She was dressed and resting against her headboard with her laptop out in front of her.

"I got a shit load of texts from the others and messages on The Slap. Apparently we were supposed to meet them at Freezy Queen after school but I guess we both forgot," she informed me. I vaguely remembered talking about it but I forgot the minute I stepped into that bathroom.

"You have anything I can wear? I want to get out of these clothes," I stated, plucking at my wrinkled shirt. She smiled slyly at me, her eyes looking me up and down.

"I bet you do," she commented. I allowed the slight blush before crossing my arms and looking away.

"To shower Jade. I need a shower. Do you have clothes or not?" I shot back. She pushed away her computer and stood to walk over to me.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. What would you do if I told you I didn't? Would you waltz out here after your shower with just your bra and…underwear?" she questioned tauntingly, flinching when she realized she was going to say panties. Jade hated that word. I thought it was fucking funny that she did.

"Maybe," I responded thoughtfully, just to mess with her back. She smirked and then shrugged.

"Go take your shower. I may or may not have clothes for you when you get out," she told me, her back to me as she walked away to take her seat on her bed. I left to take my shower, half hoping she would set out something for me to wear. I washed and brushed my teeth using a small spare I knew she kept under the sink. When I was done I took my time getting out. I was still unsure, and I paced back in forth some, but eventually I left the bathroom to face my outcome of clothes or no clothes. Jade was spread eagle on her bed staring at the ceiling. A folded stack of clothes sat on her desk. I tucked the towel I had around me more securely before walking in and picking up the first article of clothing.

"You gave me some," I observed with a smile.

"Yeah, I pitied you so I mercifully gave in. It would have been more fun had I not done it though," she answered, her eyes closing with a sigh. I looked back at the pile of clothes before dropping them back on the desk and walking over to Jade. I hadn't forgotten the last thing we talked about before sleeping. My only concern was, did she want me for me without having to be clouded by booze? Sure we started to get along when we were sober all the time but we never touched or kissed or did anything more without it. I fiddled with the towel until she opened her eyes and turned her head to me.

"Interesting turn of events," she remarked, a brow raised. She turned back to the ceiling before her eyes closed again. I bet she didn't think I had the guts to make the first move. I grit my teeth nervously before taking up the same words Jade wanted me to try out; fuck it. So I dropped my towel and crawled on the bed, straddling Jade's waist and leaning over to stare down at her. She opened her eyes again, hands sliding up my thighs to grip my hips.

"Aw, you're not completely naked. A little more work but nothing I can't fix," she muttered, her voice turning husky. To hear it with a clear head was hotter than when I was drunk. Her eyes appraised me before flicking up to my eyes. Hers had gone dark, like churning waves during a storm. She wanted me and I definitely wanted her.

"Take them off then," I whispered, kissing her briefly before brushing my lips on a spot under her ear that produced shivers from her every time.

"My pleasure," she growled, shoving me over so that she held me down. Her hands snaked out to make short work of the remaining pieces of clothing I had on, only stopping when I tore at her own clothes. Her hands quickly reacquainted themselves with my body, making me moan and writhe under her. God she knew exactly how to play me. Before she could take things further I distracted her with my own touches, sure and calculative. I knew every little way to make her just as hot and bothered as me, which she was. She let out a cross between a moan and a sigh, her perfect lips peppering my chest then up to my neck where her tongue ran over my skin. I shuddered, lifting my head so she had better access. However, she traveled back down to nip and suck at my collarbone, biting down hard for half a second before passing her tongue over the now tender spot. My hands tangled in her hair before bringing her back up to kiss her heavily. When we pulled away I smiled at her and she returned it. My thumb traced the genuinely happy gesture before flipping her on her back.

"I think I should be on top. What do you think?" I asked her casually. Her hands walked up my thigh absentmindedly, her eyes trained on me.

"Show me what you can do kid. I'm waiting," she responded simply. A submissive and open Jade, malleable under my hands. I couldn't wait. The thought had me trembling so I leaned in to run my hands down her smooth, pale stomach as lips captured hers. I pulled away just enough to stare into her eyes.

"You asked for it," I affirmed, my voice sounding confident and sultry even to me. Our lips connected again, rough but passionate, as my hands went to work touching every last part of her. My mouth followed the paths my hands took, tasting her. Not to be left out, Jade reciprocated, her expert hands leaving me breathless, her mouth and tongue even better. I can't say for how long we spent together in Jade's room but it was enough to bring us into another nap once we had our fun. It was a good thing we managed to take a quick shower together, got dressed, and were downstairs eating and watching TV, by the time her mom came in the door.

"Hey," Jade greeted evenly, glancing at her mom before turning back to the show. Her mom stopped to take in the sight of her daughter holding me on her lap, her chin resting on my shoulder, her arms around me, playing with my fingers.

"Hello," I joined in brightly, offering her my usual smile Jade claimed was so sweet she could get sick from it. What? It helped to butter up parents and authorities alike.

"Well hello there, Jade didn't say anything about you," her mom replied, looking at Jade who just shrugged.

"Mom, this is Tori. She's my girlfriend," she mumbled, her words barely audible because she wouldn't mover her chin off my shoulder. I grinned, hoping she meant what she said.

"Oh, nice to finally meet you Tori. I knew Jade was seeing someone again but you know her, she has to be mysterious about it," she said to me. I stifled a laugh behind my hand and caught an unamused frown from Jade out of the corner of my eye. She turned to Jade next.

"I have another meeting starting soon so I thought I'd at least drop by and give you some more money so you can eat. It might take most of my day and I know there isn't much in the fridge so feel free to get whatever. Maybe you can treat Tori to lunch or something?" she suggested, moving to place an envelope, of what I suspected to be full of money, on the coffee table. This caught Jade's attention, her chin lifting off my shoulder to look at her mom.

"You're ok with this?" she asked skeptically. Her mom shrugged.

"It was your father who disagreed with every single thing you chose to do, not me. I'm sure you know that's why you chose to stay with me instead of leave with him," she stated certainly.

"Yeah, I know," Jade responded quietly, her chin going back to its spot on my shoulder, her arms tightening on me, seeking comfort I was willing to give. She didn't talk much about her parent's divorce or any of her problems at home but I was ready to listen should she decide to. Her mom gave her a small smile before heading back to the door.

"Have fun you two," she called over her shoulder.

"Bye," I said with a wave. Jade remained quiet. The door shut behind her mom before I turned just enough to see her. She sighed leaned back on the couch.

"We've been doing this so long I should just tell you everything. You do mean a lot to me and I trust you," she told me softly.

"Really?" I asked, more than happy to hear that.

"Yeah, but don't get sappy on me Vega," she warned, looking at me with a hard glare. I laughed and turned in her lap so I could face her.

"Well, it isn't the most romantic thing in the world but it's a start," I teased her. She smiled and smacked my arm before yanking me forward by the front of my shirt. Her lips melded with mine, the familiar dance soothing, slow, and sweet.

"So abusive," I commented when we parted, still playful and looking to make her smile. I couldn't give a shit about making anyone but Jade happy. Why did I even try so hard before? Making this one special person happy was all I needed. I got what I wanted, the half smirk half smile was so Jade in that it defied what I wanted but caved just enough to show she was willing.

"Are you going to help me pick up the pieces?" I asked her hopefully, cradling her face in my hands. She reached out to do the same to me.

"Of course," she answered. I wrapped my arms around her neck and held her close, her embrace settling over me protectively.

"This is it," she stated confidently. It was, the moment we had been beating around the bush all this time, the need for each other. That moment when we were finally able to be totally open, that person we both unknowingly yearned for and found in each other. We ended up relaxing on the couch until the two shows following were over before deciding to go out for lunch. I was excitedly dressed in Jade's clothes while I waited for her at the door. She came up to me with her keys in hand; that smirk I began to like a lot on her lips. I transformed it into a smile with a simple kiss, my own smile growing. We left her house and got in her car, my hand resting on her leg as she drove. I wanted to be in contact with her in some way as much as I could. Where we would go we hadn't decided, but wherever it happened to be would be great because Jade would be there with me and that's all that really mattered.


End file.
